Elvis on the Move - Motorcycle Adventure Travel

August 18, 2009 Evening It's the strangest thing about Europe. Everytime you get to a new country you don't go through one border crossing, you go through two. They always make you leave the country you're in first and then enter the country you're going to second. I'm going to say this one time so that there is no confusion. “European bureaucrats are stupid.” I mean, let's face it. Who cares if you leave the country? Good riddance I say. What is the purpose of checking out? It's not a hotel. I didn't drink the mini bar clean and I'm trying to get away without paying. Like “fuck-off” you uniformed bureaucrat with a meaningless job. Go do something useful like filling the potholes with your useless corpse. Sorry. I shouldn't talk this way but it's just so damn wasteful. You're paying these useless pricks anyways make them do something useful. At least make them sweat. So I breeze through the Romanian exit border and I arrive at the Moldova...

After my Evil Kneival stunt I cruised into Galati. The last town before he Moldovan border. I was lost immediately. I didn't want to screw around so I stopped for gas and asked for directions. The two young men decided to draw me a map. I seemed to get it until a young woman walked up and asked if I speak English to which I joyfully replied, “Yes!”. She explained the route different. As a matter of fact the route the guys drew made sense to me. Her map was confusing. Plus, the first right the guys drew she made a left. Very different maps indeed. I will need to make a decision. I'm going with the guys. As I leave I see the girl in front of me roll her window down and motion me to it. “It's better you follow me!” (insert Romanian accent) “OK!”, this is good news indeed. We get out into traffic and make our way slowly down the main thoroughfare. The we take that first left. SSSCCCCCRRREEEEEECCH!! She's off like a bandit. Follow me? She said follow me? She meant chase me....

The day started out, let me rephrase that, the day didn't start. I got on my bike, put it in neutral, pushed the start button, and... nothing. Shit! I would say 'shoot' but this is the Internet. I need to get a reaction and express myself accurately. OK. Flick the key back and forth and toggle the stop-run-stop switch. Try again... “wrrrr....wrrrr...wrrrr...wrrrr....wrrrr”, no chitti chitti bang bang. Frick! (Editors Note: Trust me on the fact that Elvis didn't say 'Frick') It wouldn't be such a big deal but my bike always draws a crowd, which seems to be dissipating now. Time to push start. I've done this before and I have to say it never took me as long to get my motorcycle to start as it did today. Probably the new exhaust. Speaking of which I'm exhausted. It took my over half and hour of pushing to get it going. I was starting to worry, but when do I stop worrying? I bid farewell to the Romanian town of Constanta and I got on my way. The route wa...

The one thing I have begun to dread on this trip is running out of gas and... BORDER CROSSINGS!!! I hate them. You just never know how you're going to be treated or how long you will have to wait. I know Bulgaria is part of the EU, but it's not part of the western part of the EU and it has strange rules. Every step along the endless border crossing makes me more and more confused. I kept getting asked for a “chip”. I have no idea what they were talking about but when I gave them the confused look they kept waving me through to the next checkpoint. I don't think I will ever understand what they wanted but I have a feeling it had something to do with the sign that said you have to pay to drive on the Bulgarian roads. After ten kilometers I became very happy that I didn't pay for it. These roads are, for lack of a better word, shit. Shit, shit, shit, and more shit. It' only one word but it is so accurate. These aren't roads they're goat paths with a little bit...

Everybody has a “bucket list”, that is a list of things to do before you die. Well... I have a list so long it would take two rolls of toilet paper to list it. There are minor things like, celebrate New Years Eve in Rome, which I have done, to major events like watch the birth of your first born, which I have also done (and I wasn't hung over afterwards). Today I can check off two more: 1.Ride a motorcycle to Istanbul, and 2.Ride a motorcycle to Asia. I have gone years without being able to even check a single item off my list, yet this year I'm about to have a bumper crop. My new muffler is making my bike growl. It's really sexy! Plus, I think I'm actually moving faster. This new high performance muffler was expensive, but I like it! The road out of Istanbul is great. I'm hightailing it to Bulgaria and I'm not going to waste anytime. I have been humbled by my midnight run into Istanbul and I know I'm riding on borrowed time. I need to make hay while the sun...

I decided that if I can get a new muffler I will drive to Asia, otherwise I will make a hasty escape out of Turkey (I'm sure I'm not the first person to do that) and head straight back to Croatia. Success!!! It cost me a fortune but the new high performance muffler is something else. The guys at the shop took every muffler they had and tried to fit it before we got to this little beauty. 500 Euro. How am I going to pay my credit card when I get home? I'm going to be in shit when my wife sees my credit card bill. But on the plus side, think of all the Aeroplan points I accumulated. I think when all is said and done this trip is going to cost me the Range Rover Izabel wants. In all fairness how can I say no to the woman who lets me tour Eastern Europe alone? Not Eastern Europe. Eastern Europe and now Asia. I am going to cross the bridge to the Asian continent. My bike is purring like a tiger and when I hit the throttle it growls now. I like this. Of course for 500 Euro I coul...

I'm sitting here in an industrial park on the outskirts of Istanbul waiting for the motorcycle shop to open up. I didn't want to drive through traffic to find this place so I woke up at 5am and got myself ready and checked out quickly. I probably woke up the entire hotel when I fired up my unmuffled engine in the underground parkade. My god! What a racket. I remember when I used to like Harley's for the noise they made, I must be getting old. I think I was a little too anxious because for the first time since starting this trip I actually found the place easily. It took me about 15 minutes from the hotel and now I have to wait for about three hours for it to open. Time to do a little maintenance. Maybe reattach my side view mirror? That would be useful. My neck is sore from all the 180 degree shoulder checks. The loss of my helmet camera is a terrible blow to the documentation of this trip. It was so easy just to slide the switch on the camera and it would capture everythin...

This morning I broke down. No I'm not talking about my muffler, I'm talking about a complete physical and mental melt down. I tried to film myself this morning and I just started to cry uncontrollably. I have spent too many hours in my helmet, alone and isolated and the loss of my muffler compounded my emotional state. I have to admit though, it was just what I needed. It was only after my breakdown that I could let go of my worries and give myself over to what fate would bring me. It was a great relief to let go. That being said it's Sunday in Istanbul and everything is closed except for cafes and restaurants. I still tried to fight it and I hired a taxi to take me around town to try and find a muffler but I had no luck. In the end I had him drop me off and I toured the city on foot. What a great idea! If I hadn't broken down I would have probably cruised about town on my bike but seeing Istanbul on foot was a way better way. I got to go places you couldn't take th...

So I decided to give'er balls and just go for it. Evening was falling on the Greek border and I had hooked up with an Italian motorcyclist for a stretch of road. I had taken pictures of his bike in a little Greek village and then we met up by chance at a gas station. He was going to spend the night in Alexandropolis (which in hindsight would have been wise) and wanted to know if we could bunk up and share some accommodations. I agreed and I followed him out of town but he motioned me to go ahead. Well I did, and I think I got too far ahead because I didn't see him after awhile. Did I just miss the Alexandropolis turn. Damn it. I did! Well no turning back on these roads. I continued forth and I was at the Turkish border within the hour. Talk about a cluster%$#%. You would think a civilization as old as their's could streamline a few things. I had four, count them, four different checkpoints to go through. Each of them requiring a different thing. The first just wanted to see...

This is a video post. You have to go to the website to view it.

In my haste to get out of Germany and on with my motorcycle adventure, I had a mini "beer" adventure. I spent My Sunday evening and part of Monday day swilling beer in the world's famous Hofbrauhaus. I would go into it but my hands are too sore to type. This is me a week ago. Watch the video. Have I changed much? And my poor Italian friends that I tormented into drinking well beyond their capabilities:

Today was brutal. I drove 14 hours to get to Greece and I still didn't make it to Thesaloniki. The first 300 kilometers took nine hours and the second 300 kilometers took four. The route I took through the mountains of Montenegro and Albania were sick. I thought the roads in Croatia were small and twisty, but the route through Montenegro was not much more than a goat path. I made it though, and after waiting an hour to get through the border into Albania I was rewarded by getting lost in Tirane. I took me forever to find a street that was never more than three blocks away. I had to stop at the side of the road as the heat was getting to me. A man approached me and asked if I needed help and I asked him, "How do I get to Elbasan?" "Elbasan?", he looked puzzled. "Elbasan.:, I replied. "Oh... Elbaaaasan", he worked his way through my poor accent. He tried to explain it to me in Albanian, German, Italian, and French but I wasn't having any of that...

For the people who know where I am right now I just wanted to let you know that I'm writing this post from one of my favorite places ion this planet. There's a small grove of trees on the waterfront just in front of the only corner store in Jadrtovac Croatia. In the mornings the local farmers bring their figs in to sell and it's here where I like to start my days with a cold Karlovacko and think about absolutely nothing. Sometimes I will sit and read a book and I've often thought if I were to ever write a book it would be right in this spot. Unfortunately my day has not gone as well as I had hoped. I was picked up at the bus station by my father-in-law's brother. I guess that would make him my uncle-in-law. Needless to say Zdravko is a man who doesn't age. His outlook on life and his choice of places to live has made him timeless.... I want to go on but I'm distracted as a little girl has just stopped to randomly climb the tree above me and now her mother is...

So the trip from Munich to Croatia was brutal. Thirteen hours on a bus sharing a seat with a 300 pound woman with no sense of personal space. The only saving grace were the regular rest stops and the fact that she got off the bus in Rjeka. The other thing that made the bus tolerable was a young man named Marco Vasilj who enjoyed speaking English with me. As it turns out he speaks German, Croatian, English, and Russian. I barely speak English. We talked about anything and everything and he was so interested in everything I had to say. I like this guy! We finally had an extended rest stop in Zadar (about half way down the Croatian coast) and I bought Marco a beer. The dicotomy of people in Croatia never ceases to amaze me. You have the absolutely rude and standoffish ones (usually the older generations) and then you have the one that would give you the shirt off their back. It's really great when you meet the latter. I can understand why the Croatians wouldn't want to share this ...

Traveling can be so much fun. I just met a great couple while I was drinking a cider. I happened upon them only because I was sitting in their seats in the lounge. The husband, I believe his name was Vince, approached me and informed me I was in their spot. I should have noticed, the purse the luggage, the food on the tables should have clued me in. The great thing about my being completely oblivious to the world around me is I meet fantastic people by chance. I did notice that he didn't have an English accent so I asked him where he was from, a great opening line. San Diego meet Vancouver. Vancouver meet San Diego. The conversation quickly turned to my favorite subject... ME! I explained my trip to him and he got very excited. He said I needed to talk to his wife she would have all sorts of great places for me to visit when traveling through Greece. When she arrived I was a little shocked to find out she was deaf. Vince signed our entire conversation to her and explained what i wa...

Well this is fantastic! After all the worry about Eastern European hassles I find my first hurdle right here in Canada. Watch this Video: I was totally strong armed by this Air Canada employee I use the word employee because bitch was being used by the people one table over from me. For a moment I forgot that we live in a communist country run by a bunch of pseudo republicans. Meaning a bunch of bleeding heart Liberals who would take away all your rights by any means possible. Here's a company that has been bailed out countless times with MY money telling me that I can't video tape myself on THEIR property. Listen up Air Canada and listen close. This AINT your property. This is federal land paid for by my tax dollars. You're still a company because I haven't managed to take control of the government and I truly don't care if you call the RCMP because I'm pretty sure they have been neutered by the Robert Dziekanski brutal taser attack. So I can hold my stapler i...

I have arrived in Calgary. What more do I need to say.................. Alright! I can say a few things about Calgary. Calgary is one of the best cities in the world... that start with a 'C'. I mean seriously, who wants to go to Cincinnati, or Chernobyl, or Cleveland? With the exception of Chicago, which is a great place, Calgary tops the cities named with the third letter of the alphabet. And hey... don't forget all the pancake breakfasts. Don't get me wrong, I could live here. Just not for more than say 36 hours in a row. Fortunately, my loyover is only four hours.

Please forgive the abreviated post. I'm sitting in the airport typing this article on a tiny netbook. I'm hoping I find Internet along my travels so I can actually post from the road. So it has actuually happened!!! I'm on my way to Europe and in about three days I will be mounted firmly on the back of my bike cannonballing through Eastern Europe like a bat out of hell. I just did a quick check of my audio visual equipment and everything is working top notch. I can't wait to start filming the actual motorcycling part of the trip but the pregame footage is alot of fun too. I really need to get over my shyness when it comes to filming while other people are watching. I never thought I could use the word 'shy' to describe me, but I find myself uncomfortable talking into a camera while people are around. My flight is about to board so I need to cut this one off now.

It's my last day at work today before I go on my motorcycle adventure and I'm feeling at peace with myself this morning. I woke up earlier than normal and I decided not to run or workout. There's not much more I can do with my body before I leave and I think a rest might do me some good. I've been pushing myself really hard the last few weeks so I don't want to risk hurting myself this close to my departure. I have time for one last weigh in... 221 Pounds!!! You heard right I've managed to drop 25 pounds in less than three weeks. I'm very impressed with myself. I never thought I could lose it so quickly. Don't get me wrong, it was very hard and painful but I think now that I've surpassed my goal it was all worth it. I feel great! I took my time readying myself for work. I had breakfast and took my coffee out into the garage. I still haven't put my toolkit together for the trip so I need to get it together. The nice thing about these older Japanes...

I’m starting to get very anxious and excited. I have two more sleeps before I board the plane for Munich and get this show on the road. I’ve been finishing off every evening by watching a bit of Ewen McGregor and Charlie Boorman’s ‘Long Way Down’ series for inspiration. It’s amazing how much time and preperation goes into putting their trips together. A full administration staff, support crew, camera men, fixers in every country, off road riding training, assault training, outdoor training, potty training... It’s kinda of ridiculous. Of course, I’m the flip side. Buy ticket and go. Maybe write a few inconsequential stories prior to leaving and then take a year to write about each day of my trip. The point I’m tryng to make is I wish I was rich and good looking and could have a support crew do all my thinking for me. I don’t even have time or money to buy a blanket but I did find a small tent at Canadian Tire (A local Canadian hardware plus store) for $16. I would call that disposable ...

So I woke up yesterday morning and weighed myself on my Nintendo WII. It would seem that all my hard work and sacrifice has paid off. In the last three weeks I have lost quite a bit of weight and I’m now 224 pounds. I’m very shocked. I don’t really notice it but I feel sore enough to have lost that weight. I would like to celebrate with a dozen beers right now but I guess I can wait until the trip starts. Then I can work hard on getting all those pounds back. I mean... why not? I can lose it in three weeks why should I have to sacrifice and eat and drink healthy. What fun is that? I want bratwurst and beer and nachos and sour cream and steaks and pig... Lots of Pig.....   Was that my inner fat child trying to get out?   I can’t get that fat again. It was such a joyous morning when I weighed myself and the Nintendo downgraded me from ‘Obese’ to ‘Overweight’. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to be overweight. Bu...

I can't believe I did it! I woke up at 5am the day after seeing my weight at 246lbs and went for a run. You heard right, I went running. Well jogging actually. No... more like a forced forward movement at not very high speeds... sorry that's optimistic... at absolutely slow speeds. I have heard about marathon runners hitting “the wall” somewhere around mile 18 and how they force themselves past it. Well I hit my “wall” about twenty paces into my “jog”. I was ready to quit and walk home and climb into bed. I saw a green light post about twenty feet up ahead of me and I made a deal with myself that if I could just make it to there I could quit. After I made it to the post there was a tree thirty feet away and so on and so on until I did a short loop in the area. The feeling of death came over me as I stumbled up my driveway. Why did I have to live on a hill? Will I ever stop sweating? I took a nice long shower and had an egg white omelet for breakfast. I Grabbed a cup of coffee ...

I booked my flights to Europe three and a half weeks ago. Up until that moment I honestly didn't believe I was going and with that mindset I didn't do any preparation for the trip beyond imagining a route. It was two days later when I bent down to pick a towel up off the ground in the bathroom and I couldn't get back up that I realized the folly of my lack of prep work. I'm really out of shape! After I managed to get myself upright again I dried off and got dressed. I dug through my closet to find my motorcycle jacket and lo and behold I'm busting out at the seams? I'm not just out of shape, I'm obese as well! OK don't panic! I still have time to get it together. I have three weeks before I go. If I drop 5 pounds and get myself down to around 225 pounds I'll be fine for this trip. I can stop drinking beer until I get there and I will lose weight without any effort. Good plan. I better get to weighing myself. I fire up my Nintendo Wii and drag out the...

So the story picks up where I left off. It only took me eight months to write all the stories from last year’s trip so I think I can safely say that I can do better this year. I’ve been given a green light to take another trip and my tickets are booked so there is no turning back now. A few months ago I placed a widget on the blog with four destinations for my next trip. I guess it’s about time I reveal the results. If you remember the choices were: Istanbul, Turkey Odessa, Ukraine St. Petersburg, Russia Helsinki, Finland The results were quite a shock to me. I personally thought that St. Petersburg would have been the runaway winner in this survey. As it turns out it came in third just in front of Helsinki. In second place was Istanbul and the surprising winner turned out to be Odessa by a whopping 6 votes. So I have put together some preliminary plans to travel to Odessa starting on August 8, 2009. I fly into Munich and from there I go to Jadrtovac in Croatia where I left my bike las...

(Somewhere over the Atlantic- Monday, September 1, 2008) The flight out of Germany was terrible. There was a three hour line up just to get tickets so I went unknowingly to the first class line, which was still 45 minutes long. When I took my turn the girl questioned me about being in the wrong line and I told her that the guy over there (imagine me pointing at a nondescript crowd) told me to come here because my flight was leaving in half an hour. She didn't even think of putting me through secondary questioning. Something was going down at the airport and the crowds were getting ready to turn into a complete riot. I have never seen anything like it. Needless to say my flight was delayed for two hours. But on the bright side I was given a coupon to go eat. Yay! I wasn't looking forward to the flight home anyways. I went through security a little worried that I was going to have to drink the contents of my pilfered mini bar right there on the spot but I caught a break and they ...

(Frankfurt- Sunday, August 31, 2008)It was easy finding the right train to Frankfurt this time. Hans actually walked me to the proper deck and made sure I got on. He wasn't surprised that I knew which door to get on to get quickest access to the bar car. There were only a handful of people waiting at this door as most people were fighting to get themselves a decent berth. Little did they know the lounge seats are more comfortable and there's quite a bit of storage space for luggage that doesn't require lifting your luggage above your head. I decided to take it easy and pace myself a little. I actually started my trip with a nice strong coffee. Yes..s you heard right, coffee. I was a little tired from last evening and I needed a pick me up. I did a little house keeping with my gear and packed up what I wouldn't be using and put everything I needed to survive the next 18 hours in my shoulder pack. Moving my luggage around is thirsty work so I ordered a beer and the moment...

(Berlin - Saturday, August 30, 2008) If you have ever been to the train station in Munich you know how many platforms there are. Add to the complications that the trains all run on time and the signage is less then straight forward to non Germans and oh yeah... I'm drunk! I make it to my train and immediately grab a seat. I make myself comfortable and have a little cat nap. I'm awoken by the conductor asking for tickets. He takes a little longer with mine and then stamps away. Good, everything is okay. The person across from me isn't the same person that was across from me when I left Munich. That's always a little troubling. I check the time to make sure it hasn't been hours. It hasn't. Perhaps I was snoring and it bothered the other person. Being awake now I head to the bar car to spend some of my winnings. I sit down with my beer and strike up a conversation with a couple at the same table. I show them pictures of my bike and tell them the places I've be...

(Munich - Saturday, August 30, 2008) The bus ride to Zagreb was long, uncomfortable, and nondescript. The sun was just starting to come up as we entered Zagreb and I wasn't looking forward to the long walk from the bus terminal to the train station. At least it's not raining! The walk wasn't as bad as it was two years ago when I made this trip in reverse. There wasn't many people out at 5 in the morning and the sun wasn't beating down hard yet. Plus knowing the way helps tremendously. So after a brisk walk I make it to there with plenty of time to spare. None of the kiosks are open so I plunge into my daypack to eat a sandwich that I brought along with me. I have a beer in my pack as well but even I have my limits. I'll wait until at least 6am before I start drinking. If I were already drinking that would be a different story then the rule is don't stop drinking until you pass out. I buy my ticket to Frankfurt and notice that it is alot cheaper than my tick...

I have buttoned up the motorcycle for a year's worth of storage. I drained the remaining gas into the boat's gas tank, disconnected the battery, and put a bit of oil into each of the cylinders. I took a bit of maneuvering but I managed to bring the bike inside the house for storage. I really hope that 11 months sitting doesn't have any adverse affects. My bus from Sibenik to Zagreb is scheduled to leave at 11pm so I still had time to pack and say my goodbyes. Packing was easier than expected. I decided to leave almost all of my summer clothes here so I wouldn't have to pack as much next year. This was handy as I had to pack 10 bottles of Karlovacko to take home with me. By the time I had replaced my clothes with beer (a good trade in my opinion) my luggage must have weighed 100 pounds. I hope those wheels can handle the weight or I will have to drink my luggage lighter. My daughter was so sad that I was leaving that my heart was breaking. She had waited almost two month...

Last night I could barely sleep. I knew I would have to say goodbye to Croatia today and I was trying to savor every moment until I crossed the border into Slovenia. My motorcycle adventure was coming to an end and I honestly didn't want to leave. I stayed awake until 3am drinking Karlovacko on the patio overlooking the bay in Jadrtovac. I was going over some last details in my mind and preparing myself for what lay ahead tomorrow. I had finished most of my packing but I still needed to put my motorcycle away until next year. The gas would need to be drained, or used up and the bike would need to be put inside out of the way. The funny thing is I knew I would need to drain the tank yet I filled up with gas yesterday. I guess I will have to go for one last motorcycle adventure. I woke up around 5:30am and snuck out of the house as quietly as I possibly could. I was actually like a ninja. Not quite a super ninja like you see in the old samurai movies, more of a hungover 235lb ninja w...